


The opposite of love

by ravenbringslight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Post Ragnarok, Thorki if you squint, continuation of That Scene, odinson angst, ragnarok spoilers, thor and loki have a lot of feelings, you guys know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 03:07:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12621764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenbringslight/pseuds/ravenbringslight
Summary: Thor is weary.





	The opposite of love

**Author's Note:**

> I had to purge out some initial feels. I might write more, or a continuation, or a different version later, but this was what I wanted today.
> 
> [ raven-brings-light.tumblr.com](https://raven-brings-light.tumblr.com)

When viewed objectively, the actions were simple.

A careless catch. A two-word phrase.

Subjectively, though...

Thor had not even actually considered the possibility that Loki might be there in the flesh. Surtur’s wrath had destroyed Asgard utterly and to dare even hope that his brother had escaped was too much for his heart to bear. When Loki had shown up here in Thor’s chambers, in truth Thor had thought at best that he was a figment like Odin, or at worst a sign of madness.

Thor had borne so much in the past week, it would not have been any wonder should he have gone mad.

But there the bottle stopper was, clutched in Loki’s palm, and there hanging between them in the air were those two words - “I’m here.”

All things considered, Thor thought he had been holding up remarkably well. Losing his father, his place in the world, his hammer, his home, his eye. His boon companions. Possibly his friend Banner. Probably Loki -

But Loki was here.

The bottle stopper fell to the floor with a muffled thud. Ever since Thor’s ruined coronation all those years ago the distance between them had seemed insurmountable, a yawning chasm, but it turned out that it was not so great after all.

Three strides at the most, actually. 

They met in the middle.

Thor had been holding himself together with a cobbled together framework of determination and vengeance and grit and _not thinking_ and covered all of it with a mantle of “god of thunder.” 

But those two little words ripped the mantle away and knocked the foundation out and Thor fell into Loki’s embrace broken and exhausted, no god at all right now, but simply a man seeking the comfort of his brother’s arms.

They stood locked together in silence for many long moments and when they finally pulled back neither of them commented on the wetness on both their cheeks.

“Come,” Thor said. He interlaced his fingers with Loki’s and drew him to the window to look out together. The cosmos stretched out before their combined gaze and Thor fancied that with his missing eye he could see the gravitational dance and flow of galaxies drifting and colliding, of stars dying and giving birth to themselves, a celestial geometry invisible to regular sight.

He felt so old.

“Will you stay?” he asked finally when he had looked his fill, when he had forced his lungs to behave properly and coordinate with his voicebox and tongue. Such mundane things to worry about.

“They are my people too, you know,” Loki said softly. It wasn’t really an answer to Thor’s question, but Thor understood well enough. Understood what it cost Loki to admit such a thing.

“How did you escape?”

Thor glanced over at his brother’s face and saw a flicker of a sad smile, but he remained silent.

“There is much to discuss,” Thor said. “But later. I think I need to sleep for a week.”

He turned from the window and began to remove his armor, wincing when he had to pull it over his head, and his hand flew to his burned eye involuntarily. It ached so deeply that he was sure Hela had burned away a bit of his soul with it. Or perhaps that had happened all on its own.

“You should let me look at that,” Loki said, coming up behind him. His fingertips were cool on Thor’s cheekbone. Delicately he ran them around the edge of the blackened flesh, his hands glowing green.

Thor closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Except for the embrace they had just shared, he had not touched his brother except in anger in...years. He wanted to cry. He couldn’t help but imagine the tears backing up in his burned ducts, unable to be freed, spreading their sadness from the inside out instead of spilling forth and dissipating.

Thor felt his own newly wakened lightning seidr twisting through his veins, pulsing in response to his brother’s seidr.

It seemed to want to seek Loki’s magic out, throw out tendrils and wind around it, bind green and silver-blue together until they were an impossibly tangled knot. It fairly sang within him, and with a small shock of recognition he realized it was the same feeling that Mjolnir used to give him whenever Loki was around. He had always thought it had just meant that Mjolnir had loved Loki as much as he did.

Maybe it had only been his own love all this time.

His hand covered Loki’s and stilled it, and he opened his good eye and fixed it on Loki’s concerned green ones.

“It is only us now,” Loki said, as though he felt like he had to explain himself. “You are the only one who -” His nostrils flared and he looked down and away. Thor said nothing, only waited. Hard earned experience with Loki had taught him that the best way to get his silvertongued brother to talk was simply to shut up. It worked this time too. “You told your friends about the time I turned into a snake. Do you know why I did it?” Loki’s eyes were bright now, his own tears near the surface again. “You had started playing and training with Sif instead of me, because I was boring to you. We had been as close as two people could be, and you abandoned me...not out of hatred but out of indifference. And I couldn’t stand it. If I could not be loved, then it was better to be hated than ignored. And so I got your attention the only way I knew how and I stabbed you. Because I loved you. That’s the kind of person I am, Thor.” Loki was breathing fast now, his hand trembling under Thor’s.

“I know.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Loki sounded agonized. “I should have stayed on that wretched planet.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. You saved all of us.”

“I want to be _more_ ,” Loki whispered. “Help me.” He stared helplessly into Thor’s eyes, nothing but naked honesty showing in them for the first time in long centuries.

“You’ve made a good start on that yourself,” Thor said. Loki’s expression shuttered again and he huffed out a teary laugh and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Come to bed,” Thor said. “To _sleep_ , you idiot,” he added at Loki’s raised eyebrows.

He fingered at the edge of his empty socket as he shucked off the rest of his armor. Whatever Loki had done had reduced the throbbing ache to a sullen twinge, he noted with relief.

Loki laid stiffly on his back on one side of the bed and Thor curled up on his own side with his back to him. Eventually he felt Loki shift around and inch closer until he was nestled fast against Thor’s back. Thor reached for Loki's hand and pulled it to his own chest and felt the soft exhalation of a sigh against his neck. Sleep dragged him under a few moments later.

*


End file.
